


Lovesick and True-Form

by DragonSpear



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Love Confessions, Also why did Dean think Michael was gunna hold up his end of the deal, Coda, Dean Has Panic Attacks, Dean has anxiety, Dreams, Fix-It, Grace - Freeform, Helpful Sam, I'm hungry so soup, Insomnia, Kissing, Left-over grace, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, My boys getting their heads out of their asses, Nightmares, One month later and I got soup, Screw Michael, Season 13 fix-it, Shipper Sam, Soup, like seriously Dean have some common sense, mentions of eating disorders, post-season 13, trueform!Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-15 02:56:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14782323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonSpear/pseuds/DragonSpear
Summary: Based on a comment I made on an Instagram post (lookin at you mishasmessyhair)The post was about Dean being able to see Cas's Trueform through Michael's eyes and I got to thinking about, what if Dean thought Cas was really beautiful and couldn't stop staring at him after he got back in hopes of getting a glimpse of his Trueform again?My comment is as follows:Think about it:Dean comes back and just won't stop staring at Cas, even more than usual. So much so that Cas begins to notice and brings it up with Dean. "When I was possessed by Michael," Dean begins, searching Cas' eyes for something, "I could see glimpses of what he saw, I saw your true form. I keep hoping I'll see it again.""Why?" Cas asks self consciouslyDean gives a lovesick smile, "you're beautiful"





	Lovesick and True-Form

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is for my pals over on Instagram who saw the comment I made on a post by mishasmessyhair (hey they're pretty cool you should check em out) and had a little fangasm in the comments section over my reply (it was unbelievably flattering and I love you all despite not knowing you) so go ahead and enjoy. You can check out the post on the account mentioned above (it has a big glowy picture of Castiel and says "s14 realization" on it my username is lord_of_the_tays but don't try following me cause it's my private personal account if you want to follow me follow my art account the_doodle_ghost). Love you all.
> 
> Also sorry for the randomly capitalized letters I wrote this somewhere else and I italicized those words but It was too much work to try and figure it out on here

It had been just over two months since they found a spell that would eject and kill Michael with little to no damage to the vessel he inhabited, aka Dean. It had been a month and a half since they found a spell powerful enough to track Michael, and It had been just over a month since they got Dean home possession free. His recovery involved lots of sleep and for the first time since Sam can remember, actually needing to convince his older brother to eat. The leftover grace from Michael made it so the older Winchester felt no need to eat and even had an aversion to it. However, when he started getting lightheaded and his weight loss grew noticeable they realized the grace only made him FEEL full, it didn't actually give him any source of sustenance like it would if he had all of it.

Sleep was the same in the sense that while Dean didn't feel tired, his body showed every sign of sleep deprivation. The older Winchester couldn't remember having so many headaches in his life. Cas was a lot of help, using his own grace to put Dean to sleep and weaving it into the food they could convince him to eat to help dampen the effects of Michael's grace as much as he could. Eventually, the grace fizzled and died out without its angelic host and things went relatively back to normal.

Dean's slept a lot longer than four hours now and rarely woke up from his nightmares. Said nightmares had greatly increased but he was suddenly unable to awake from them on his own leaving him trapped for hours in endless torment until his body finally woke him up naturally. He never talked about them but that wasn't new, however, now he talked less altogether. At first, he barely said anything and while he had slowly begun to regain his voice in a sense, he still talked a lot less than he used to. Sam didn't know if he would ever fully "speak" again but he decided he didn't care, Dean was alive and ok and even if he wasn't speaking at all at least he was smiling again.

He had panic attacks too, though Sam learned that those weren't new he just hid them better when they were kids and even the occasional one he had as an adult Dean hid from his younger brother. They used to be rare, now Dean just seemed to keep finding triggers. Eventually, the flow of them slowed down and the three of them, Sam, Dean, and Cas, all worked together to sort through his known triggers and create a list. They hung it on the fridge in the kitchen with Dean's permission so all inhabitants of the bunker could avoid them. Despite this, they still went on the occasional hunt. Dean wasn't weak in any form of the word and the only reason they stuck to smaller beginner hunts was that the older Winchester still needed time to get his strength and weight back up to peak condition.

Dean also stared at Cas quite a bit more. Whenever the angel was in the room, Dean would watch him with startling intensity as if he was trying to physically burn Cas's clothes off. Who knew, maybe that was exactly what he was doing. Sam paid it no mind though, his brother and the angel had always stared at each other whether the other was looking or not. 

"Sam?" Cas stood at the entrance to the library where said Winchester was hunched over a book. Everyone else in the bunker had gone to sleep it seemed.

"Yeah, hey Cas," Sam greeted, leaning back in his chair and meeting the angel's gaze. "What's up?"

"Why are you still awake?" Cas made his way over to the table, sitting across from Sam.

Sam shrugged, "couldn't sleep."

"I suppose now is as good a time as any to talk to you about something," Cas began hesitantly as if afraid Sam would deny a chance to have a conversation with his friend.

"What's on your mind?"

"Dean, he has been staring quite a lot at me lately and with an intensity that suggests he is angry with me but he hasn't shown any other sign that he is angry with me," Cas said, looking down at his hands.

"Cas he always stares at you," Sam laughed, "I know he's not mad at you because then he would have to have been mad at you every day since you pulled him out of hell."

Cas shook his head, "I am aware that he has always stared at me," well Sam DEFINITELY wasn't going to dig deeper into that, "but he has never done it quite this much."

Sam looks closely at him, "no, yeah I've noticed it too. I think you should just ask him. Especially if it's worrying you this much."

"And if he just brushes me off as he likes to do so much?" Cas countered.

Sam shrugged, "do what I do, keep bringing it up casually until he actually gets mad."

"That always ends in a fight between you two though."

"Yeah, but he also gets way more loose-lipped when he's angry."

Cas bit his lip and nodded thoughtfully, "yes, I suppose you're right. Thank you, Sam."

"Anytime Cas," Sam told him with a grin which was returned with a tentative smile.

\-- -- -- -- (^///^) -- -- -- --

Cas' chance came sooner than later when he found Dean working alone in the kitchen to make soup. Sam was with Jack in the library and the angel had assumed Mary would be helping Dean with dinner. He had been proven wrong but was nonetheless happy to be able to have a quiet moment alone with Dean. His grace gave a gentle flutter when the elder Winchester tossed a goofy smile over his shoulder.

"Hello Dean, I thought Mary was helping you with dinner," Cas said, coming to stand beside Dean and peer into the large bowl of soup. He had always enjoyed cooking and now that they had a full bunker he was able to do it more, but because of his recovery, he hadn't had the energy to do so until two weeks ago.

"She just left to go get some things I forgot," Dean told him with an easy smile, "shouldn't you know that?"

"With all the new additions to the bunker, I find using my grace to know where everyone is at all times has become quick tiresome so I focus my grace on other things," Cas told him, eyes focused on the way his hands bent around the spoon as he stirred, the way his muscles flexed under his shirt as he added some vegetables to the soup. His mouth suddenly felt very dry.

"What kind of things," Dean asked, eyelids lowered suggestively.

Cas startled looking up at Dean's face in surprise before the hunter flushed red.

"Sorry, I forget that you understand innuendos now because of Metatron," Dean muttered.

"It is fine, It's just the first time in a while I've heard you tease anybody. I missed it."

By now the tips of Dean's ears were bright red as he turned the heat down a bit and sat down on a barstool to let the soup sit for a while, "Just don't tell Sam. I don't want him to falsely think I'm getting better or something. Truth is, you're the only one I feel comfortable acting like my old self around. Not that I don't love Sam and Mary, er Mom, but..." Dean trailed off with a shrug but Cas wasn't complaining. This was the most Dean had said all at once since they got him back.

"There's nothing to be fixed Dean, maybe you are not quite as you once were but you are still you. Your decisions on how you act are part of your personality. So maybe you aren't quite the same but you are as much you as you've always been. We're not waiting on anything Dean if you're like this until the day you pass onto Heaven then we could care less. We all still care deeply about you, no matter how much you talk."

Dean was looking at him with wide stunned eyes like he was the greatest thing the Winchester had ever seen. Cas' wings fluttered under the look, the wings he had been steadily repairing with the grace he wasn't using to keep an eye on the people on the bunker or healing the brothers of their wounds. It was slow going but it was going.

"I wanted to talk to you about something Dean," Cas said after a long moment of just them looking at each other.

"Go ahead," Dean said quietly.

"You've been staring at me quite extensively recently. If you're angry at me I wish to know. It is worrying me to be quite honest," Cas said, fiddling with the sleeves of his trenchcoat. It was bulkier than his first one and hard to move in and he wished he hadn't destroyed Jimmy's old one.

"When I was possessed by Michael," Dean begins, searching Cas' eyes for SOMETHING, "I could see glimpses of what he saw, I saw your true form. I stare because I keep hoping I'll see it again."

Cas is struck silent by the admission, it's startling and he worries what Dean thought of him, HIM truly HIM, "why?" He asks self consciously. 

Dean gives him a look that can't be taken as anything other than lovesick, "you were, you are, so beautiful. I saw Michael's true form, and Lucifer's. I saw the true form of every demon we came across and I haven't seen that since Hell and it's so worse in the sunlight and I get nightmares every night from what I've seen. But you, you were so beautiful. I've never seen anything like you before and you were just... God Cas you were so beautiful and I feel like I'm going through withdrawal not being able to see your true form. Even your wings as battered as they are, are the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I've been in love with you for so long but every time I remember what you look like I fall in love a little more."

Dean suddenly freezes, very much aware of what he just admitted and of the space between them, "shit I'm sorry Cas-I didn't mean- well I did, but you shouldn't have found out like this- you shouldn't have found out at all and I understand if you never want to see-."

Cas surges forward, grabbing the sides of Dean's face and pressing their lips together in a bruising kiss. They sit there, lips pressed together and moving against each other before Dean pulls away for air. Both of their faces are flushed and their lips are pink and swollen and the hunter looks like someone just built the earth in front of him and told him it was all his.

"I love you too Dean, so so much."

\-- -- -- -- (^///^) -- -- -- --

That night and all nights after, Dean's dreams are filled with the blinding light of grace warming up his skin, multiple heads spinning underneath a golden halo cracked yet held together with a greenish hue, billions of eyes all staring at him with sapphire warmth, and three sets of slowly healing midnight colored wings curled around his shoulders.


End file.
